When Paths Diverge
by scooter2012
Summary: What would you live for after giving up almost all of yourself to a family that couldn't stop asking for more? With whatever light that was left extinguished and a heavy heart left in it's place, there was no other way than to finally choose for herself. After all... You should never question whether or not if you would be better off dead.


Lucy stood before the guild's mission board once again feeling slightly intimidated by the variation of available jobs that were available. Even with over two years passing of training and solo missions the task hadn't gotten any easier each time she stood their contemplating which job to take. Then again sighing to herself it couldn't be helped.

She thought back to when it had all started and she began changing having to follow a different path. Moving on and stopping her foolishly helpless best friend from trying to force himself to suffer choosing between herself or his childhood friend. Time and again he would only recklessly neglect himself to the point of unknowingly self-destructing in an effort to satisfy them both. She was fully aware though. Watching day in and day out pass as he would try to bounce back and forth between them to catch up and then immediately take a job only to do the reversal the following day…

Lucy stopped her thoughts coming back to the present rubbing the back of her neck looking away from the board deciding today wasn't a good day after all. A small wave to Mira indicating she was leaving was all the guild was left with as she was unaware of being watched longingly as she left by all the others.

When times like this happened and she felt as though she was going down memory lane her thoughts would always bring her to the more darkened parts of her more recent past. As a result it wasn't a coincidence when she picked up her mother's favorite flowers from the flower stall nearby and headed towards the train station. It was as if she was on autopilot unconsciously dodging and avoiding all obstacles in her path to oblivious to her surroundings or anyone who may be following her as she craved the comfort of her mother. Reaching her destination she looked up shocked when she realized she was in front of the train ticket counter. Murmuring a soft apology and stepping back out of line Lucy had gingerly picked the bouquet apart carefully and began giving a flower away to each passing lady and little girl making them smile all the brighter at her in response. She smiled even brighter as she enjoyed her surroundings, and the smiles she was able to make to those around her uplifted many of the dark thoughts that threatened to consume her that morning.

As one little boy passed by and saw her handing out flowers he looked up at his mother who was slightly sad from their trip and had told him gently to stay with their bags while she purchased their tickets. Looking back at the kind lady he squared his shoulders before shyly walking up to her in his own small amount of determination and tapped her on her side to gain her attention.

Quietly he asked, "Ma'am… May I have one for my mom? I… I want to make her smile like you're doing for everyone else…"

Immediately looking down blushing slightly he clutched his hands tightly anticipating a negative response. When he felt a hand ruffle his hair he looked up and couldn't help but feel hypnotized at her kind smile and bright eyes.

He watched as she whispered, "You are so very kind."

Receiving the rest of the small bundle of flowers that she had in her hand he blushed brightly again and held one back out to her sputtering out shyly, "Thank you so much, but you deserve to have one too. You're very pretty." Spinning around in embarrassment quickly and running back to his mother he would never know the appreciative warming smile he was given as Lucy disappeared further back in the crowd out of sight not to be seen. However remaining just close enough to continue admiring the boy and his mother.

There was a warmth to the scene that had played out before her that she had long ago once felt from her own mother and it brought the small bit of sorrow back to her day. Walking back to the park this time since it was still early she decided that it would be just a normal day to relax and remember. Remember and never forget. As she arrived she found her special tree she had dedicated to herself in memory of her past partnership with Natsu. Calling out Virgo quietly she asked, "Virgo do you mind bringing me a picnic blanket to sit down on and maybe my album. It's been a while…"

Virgo upon hearing the request of her princess refrained from commenting to potentially upset or provoke her. It wasn't often she had to experience Lucy in these particular moods, but she could feel her pain as if it were own and pretending would only make it worse if she tried comforting her. Nodding her head she replied, "Of course princess. If there is anything else please don't hesitate to call on me."

Within minutes Lucy was seated comfortably leaning against her tree with her eyes closed slightly as she continued to reminisce in her memories that picked up back where she left off almost a couple years ago.

More than once she would reign Natsu in to just hanging out at the guild or around town which was in consideration to his own personal health and the fatigue he was showing. He never could see that even though he was durable as any other in a fight he was still human. And because he was human he needed rest and recovery that he had continued to deny himself. As he went on more and more missions to satisfy his craving to be with Lisanna and herself, he never realized the day had finally come where she had deemed that enough was enough.

She remembered the weight on her shoulders and the pain in her heart standing at the bar with her backpack in hand about to hand over the mission she had just selected while Natsu had tiredly walked over trying to smile his typical smile in assurance that he would come with her. As she spoke to Mira loud enough for him to hear, "Mira, I'm going to take this one solo. I'll see you in a few weeks ok?" The guild became still. She knew the moment was going to be hard on him as well as everyone else, but she had to sacrifice herself to save him from burning himself out because Natsu absolutely wouldn't realize he couldn't keep going on like this. Not by himself anyways and she wouldn't let him deteriorate like that. She respected and looked up to him and his abilities too much to see him fall. Receiving a forced nod of recognition but nothing further from Mira Lucy turned to walk past Natsu to do the job alone but stopped while continuing to face away from him as she passed. Placing one hand on his shoulder but refusing to look his way, she took a deep breath locking her eyes on her exit and finally spoke, "Give it a rest already Natsu. You'll burn out at the rate you're going and that would make Fairy Tail look bad you know? Besides thinking isn't your thing, and I can't continue to watch and cause you to suffer like this anymore… You're too important to all of us." Lucy gently smiled to herself releasing his shoulder relieved she was letting him go finally. Continuing to the doors opening it and waving over her shoulder in dismissal she left a stunned Natsu as well as everyone else to watch her leave without a word. She felt the wave of magic and emotions shortly after she had left ripple in the air from Fairy Tail, but she didn't return. It would have defeated the purpose of letting him go while she went on her own path after all.

(Back at the guild no one's point of view)

Unknown to her the guild at the time didn't know how to honestly react to the scene that had played out. Natsu had fallen shortly after her departure slumping to the floor in exhaustion as if the last mental straw had broken making him incapable of mentally processing the information Lucy was implying. Lisanna and Wendy had quickly rushed forward in an effort to aid him in his distress, but found him unconscious to which Wendy simply glared to the side dismissing him too. Wendy quietly spoke out to Lisanna that she could take him to the infirmary for further recovery. There was no point healing him while he continued to self-destruct and repress his emotions unconsciously, and with Lucy leaving him in Lisanna's care it only left a bitter taste in her mouth for when he woke up.

Both Gray and Erza took the situation in turn smiling slightly at Lucy's consideration and strength to move on. They knew it would take time for her to bounce back from her withdrawn state, but they had watched Lucy's progression carefully as she had already detached herself slowly from Natsu without him knowing. With Lisanna being too caught up in the moment running at Natsu's pace happily when she returned, Lucy had taken responsibility for watching over his health that he was failing to notice. It was not their place to address Natsu's stubbornness though, and therefore predicted this day of separation from the beginning. However it still was disheartening to watch. Lucy was a light that was dimming involuntarily but being naturally strong willed and independent she would under no circumstances accept their request to aid her in the path she had willingly selected. Not after the conversation she had just had with them that morning.

Gray had personally wanted to take this time to ease her mind from the separation between his frenemy and her, but knew too well that Lucy wouldn't want that especially after the minor discussion she had with them. How he could have been hurt in any way as well was beyond him, but Lucy thought to far in advance. When explained in private with himself and Erza that morning she simply stated it would be best to be solo to not make Natsu more frustrated or anxious with the separation and so he could mentally handle the changes. He could tell she wanted to avoid any potential drama, and Natsu would not realize the drama he would start if he felt as though she had abandoned him for another. Gray had gritted his teeth at the selfishness of his friend but seeing her smile gently in acceptance he had grabbed her hand in response and said, "You are absolutely not alone Lucy. If you need either of us to go on a job or just want our company we're right here. Natsu's a grown man and can take care of himself too…" Since Erza remained silent staring at Lucy intently trying to determine if there were any cracks in Lucy's self-imposed armor she needed to assist with, Gray took the opportunity and pulled her closer wrapping his arms around her placing a gentle kiss on her forehead to comfort them both since Lucy wouldn't.

Mira was another concern for the guild being the mother hen to everyone. She was torn at the happiness for her sister, but the guilt and sadness of watching Lucy step aside and slightly out of everyone's reach. Mira admired Lucy's ability to consistently pull herself together no matter the situation time and time again standing tall displaying every quality of the heiress she once was. Admiring how strong her heart was to care for everyone around her and sacrifice anything for those she loved. As she watched her progressively pull away from Natsu, working more and more on her own as her sister had regained her place in everyone's life it never occurred to her that the Lucy she loved so dearly would pull away from her too as well as everyone else during that time. As she thought of Lisanna again she couldn't grasp how to accept the situation since the two were so different and everyone knew this. They were never compared to each other and the two had gotten along fairly well. So why was it this was happening? Mira slammed the glass down on the counter silently seething at the events that were unfolding. 'It wasn't fair! Lucy didn't deserve these burdens.' Mira thought to herself. Picking up another glass only to shatter it in her hand she glared angrily at the shards that dared mar her skin cutting her slightly and making her bleed. Unconsciously her take over was slowly proceeding and her thoughts continued to darken as she stared at the blood that dripped from her hand. Clenching it into a fist Mira tried to breathe and regain control, but it wasn't coming easy to her and with the master now in front of her she refused to acknowledge the situation that she couldn't prevent nor fix. Looking up at their guild master she whispered, "This is not how she deserves to live." Seething in impatience at the lack of response to the situation she steps back finally releasing her demons soul.

Master simply held his hand up showing his pointer finger and thumb positioning it appropriately representing what their guild stands for. Speaking out, "We are always looking her way Mira. That's all anyone can do especially with the circumstances. You know everyone has different hardships they will face on their own paths. She simply has more to discover while we continue to watch over her." Mira wiped her tears furiously walking quickly around the master avoiding everyone's gazes as she transitioned back to her natural form. Leaving was the best option to regain control of her emotions and he didn't blame her. As he looked around the guild and their saddened features he sighed. Everyone had their hardships there and looking over them all he spoke for all of them to hear and understand. "There is no need for concern yet children. Natsu will be fine, and Lucy will pay her rent as always. Change is inevitable in everyone's life, and we all must follow our own paths even if they diverge separately from one another's. Give it time and you will see that they both will grow from this experience."

Receiving no response other than both Gray and Erza leaving silently Master Makarov walked to his office only to greet a disheartened first master who whispered, "You're wrong about one thing third master." When he waited for her to continue he too became saddened at her words that she finally spoke. "Your concern is very necessary and one of your children unless watched carefully won't be much longer. Diverging from the path and forcefully withdrawing yourself from your family are two very different things, and if you aren't paying close enough attention to the small details… I would hate to see what comes of Ms. Lucy Heartfillia. She has been safe until now because of her team and everyone around her, but alone is something no one of her background should ever have to be." Thankfully Master Makarov hearing her words of wisdom was able to respond appropriately when Lucy had returned from her first solo mission pulling her aside to check on her wellbeing and make sure she knows that they carry her burdens with her.

(Back to Lucy's memories)

Lucy coming out of her thoughts of the day she walked out of her partnership rubbed her temples slightly irritated. Whispering to herself "Lucky my ass." Looking back to the sky a bit darkly she thought of the mission that had kicked it royally after she had walked out alone. Of course she accomplished it, but not without severely acknowledging her lack of abilities while alone. Even though she had her spirit friends by her side to help her with anything she may need, and fought alongside them… She was forced to acknowledge that it still wasn't enough. She had received her full reward which was great, but it wasn't without damage to her already fragile ego and the forever blossoming bruises she acquired in her match taking down the bandits along the mountain trail to the following town.

If it hadn't been for Loke being able of breaking his gate when he did she would have been heavily injured verses just slightly, and while returning successful her head still hung down ashamed she couldn't do more. Reliving the moment in her mind she remembered as Aries had stood protectively in front of her with her wool wall when she had gotten knocked backwards tripping herself as Virgo was called and she had managed to drill under them making them fall back and lose balance. When Lucy stood back up to charge she only heard her spirits all say the same thing making her pause in step just slightly, "Don't worry Ms. Lucy. We will protect you!" Lucy gritted her teeth remembering as she had called out Taurus after dismissing Virgo to finish off the bandits. It was during her silent seething that she had not accounted for an attack from behind only to be diverted by Loki breaking his gate coming forth to protect her as well. Of course he was successful and with all the bandits then rounded up with anti-magic rope, and weapons removed she had taken a rather vicious approach to mentally abusing herself all the way back to town and the guild.

It was then she realized she was rather lost again in her life. Yes she was moving forward, but what was her purpose? What was her reason to continue moving forward? And most importantly what is she moving forward towards?

Coming back to her own current reality she sighed again up at the sky as the day continued to pass her by. She still didn't have one, and she was beginning to not really care if she ever did have a purpose again. Her discussion with the master was simple when she came back as well as every other discussion she had with the guild.

'Yes I'm fine. No the job was finished quickly. Yes I have my rent money this month. No I'm ok. Sorry but I have already picked another job to go on. Sorry I need to decline your invitation. I already have another job picked out. Sorry. Sorry.. Sorry…'

It was always the same and finally they all had stopped asking and she stopped coming by as often. She spoke with Gray and Erza often enough but talking with Natsu had become pointless. Somehow, she had snapped his mind and he had repressed over half his memories of her so they were only good acquaintances at this point. Talking here or there, but that was all. He couldn't really remember her the way she did him and as such he moved on without a care to the world. Ah there was that dark thought again. She hated the pity that was poured on her when they found out. Natsu was the lucky bastard between the two of them. Why couldn't she have her memories repressed and move on as easily?

Onto a separate note because of the events that transpired she watched as Gray had made it his sole mission to make up for Natsu's behavior but of course she was instantly water locked at every advance in any direction outside of passing him. As it progressively got worse over the month, the day came that Juvia finally had taken it too far and everyone knew they were about to witness something that Lucy didn't deserve. By the fourth time she was water locked in the same day in the middle of the guild hall Lucy snapped. Remembering the feeling of the water that surrounded her filling her lungs slowing her movement, smothering her entire being… Or at least that's what was supposed to happen and she was supposed to feel. Everyone watched as Lucy stood angrily in the middle of the hall clenching her fist tightly glaring at the ground as she held her breath. Snapping her head when she finally came to a decision back up at Juvia she raised her hand up and slashed it forward diagonally dispersing the water spell surprising them all with what little work she made of Juvia's spell. She had never shown her abilities in front of them anymore and had always taken the water lock in stride until Juvia usually released it.

Speaking angrily, "I've had enough Juvia. Your precious Gray-sama is exactly that. YOURS. If you think water locking me is going to solve all your problems to gain his attention and affections you're sadly mistaken… I swear come at me again and I won't hesitate in fighting back next time." Turning her head to Gray her eyes softened slightly pained at what she was going to have to say and spoke sadly, "I'm sorry Gray, but I can't keep doing all of this if I'm just going to continue to be harassed to this extent for even being in the same area as you. Please just give it a rest for a while when we're in the guild. We can try hanging out again some other time, but for now just let me be alone. I'm sorry for being selfish, but me being alone is far better than being abused or neglected. It's clearly how it's supposed to be me for me anyway." Walking away from him that day broke her a lot more than she would ever admit to him too, but Juvia was relentless and no amount of talking to her would ease her nerves until Gray would give her a chance. Upon their first date Lucy had easily went back to her steady routine of avoidance and jobs while training on the side. When their relationship fell apart and Juvia had moved on after acknowledging that they were just not meant to be the way she thought, Lucy wanted to hit the girl for what she had done next.

(Past memory for Juvia's view point)

They had only dated for a month or two, but it had just not been going the way Juvia thought it would and when she finally acknowledged it they parted ways as friends. When Juvia entered the guild and saw Lucy she instantly knew what she had wanted to do since in her heart she knew that she was the sole cause of them never working out however cruel that had made her. Walking over she had tapped her on the shoulder and when Lucy turned and smiled slightly in greeting Juvia blurted out what she had wanted to say bowing slightly at her. "Juvia is so sorry for everything she has put you through Lucy. Juvia still knows that love rival will never be the ideal girl for her Gray-sama though."

When Juvia replayed the words in her mind and was on the receiving end of a very sarcastic smile with words spoken just as sickly sweet in return as her own she soon came to regret her actions slightly.

"Why of course Juvia. Your love rival would never be perfect for anyone with the way you say that. I'm so sorry the past and current me still isn't up to any of your standards."

As Lucy stood up she was interrupted in her anger to continue lashing out at her verbally when Gray steps in front of Lucy glaring at Juvia. "You're out of line Juvia, and this had nothing to do with Lucy. Leave her alone if you don't have anything appropriate to say." Turning around he looks at Lucy who looks away frustrated then sighs leaving the situation all together and grabs a random job off the board leaving the guild once again frustrated. Gray would obviously catch up to her easily, but she knew he wouldn't say anything as they completed the job together knowing well that Lucy just wanted to be left to her thoughts as she decided on her plan of action from now on.

This was what continued to hurt her deep down, because even upon first meeting Gray Juvia knew that a part of him unconsciously cared for Lucy. His declaration made that clear, but her inner passion was mind body and soul filled with wanting to love Gray and if she couldn't be with him that was fine. However she wouldn't let Lucy be the one to stand beside him because that would validate that she was not good enough. Anyone but her was fine, but not Lucy.

(Lucy's past and present)

Lucy thought back to the following days after her declaration to Juvia and how everything continued to just crash around her until she finally had enough of all of them again. She had cared for them all more than anything and had come to care specifically for Gray in his own way, but in return she was always only looked at as secondhand in a way and it was tiring to deal with. She loved Fairy Tail and she would continue to love Fairy Tail and show them in any way she could that she was a true wizard of Fairy Tail, but why was it that she continued to feel as though Fairy Tail was slowly rejecting her?

When Gray had finally worked up the nerve after a few days and approached her apologizing on Juvia's behalf for her behavior she knew then and there that they would always only ever be friends. It was over before it could have ever begun for them and they both shared in that pain because of Juvia's constant accusation of being a love rival. Even though Juvia and Gray had split willingly the bitterness in Juvia's heart that things hadn't worked out ate at her making her continue to blame Lucy for it fully. Gray had tried again and again to build the barrier reasoning with Juvia over that couple of days, but nothing would change her thoughts. If she couldn't be with Gray she wasn't about to let her only rival be with him either. Anyone but Lucy was all Juvia could had voiced and Lucy accepted it. When explained that deep down if Juvia let them be together she would always be slightly jealous and always pained at so much as looking at either of them, and if she couldn't look at her once beloved without pain she wouldn't know what to do with herself. Selfishness and jealousy was an ugly emotion, and Juvia knew well that she had harbored both in her heart towards Lucy. No amount of talking settled her rant though.

Everyone watched sadly as Gray continued to protect Lucy from Juvia in his own way, but it was all in vein since he had finally accepted friend zoning himself to protect her. The devastation of all the stress from her past came to a head once it was realized with finality at Juvia's final declaration and Lucy looked straight at Juvia when it happened and asked her a simple question with a bitter smile in response. "This makes you happy then right? Instead of watching the ones you love be happy and love the way they want… As long as it's not me that's all that matters right? I'm so glad I can bring you all happiness at any cost. Thank you so much Juvia for reminding me of what little I'm worth to you." Squeezing Gray's hand one last time she once again left the guild as a result and Lucy pulled away from them all, but this time permanently. Gray remained her closest friend, but they only visited outside the guild away from the others.

Time continued to pass after that and Lucy continued to seldom come to the guild in favor of solitude and peace away from them all. She dutifully did her share of work around the guild and remained in touch checking in when necessary, but she knew she was changing. Distancing  
herself while building her walls for only the select few to breach them when she allowed it. Mira had reached out to her immediately and helped her in her pain, but she was a very busy person who many relied on. Lucy was not a selfish person no matter what anyone thought and she would not keep Mira's company knowing she was needed elsewhere.

Erza had assisted her on occasion when she had an itch to go on a more challenging mission, but when she began to excuse herself with an apology after the third or fourth mission Lucy knew she had come to find an interest that pulled her in a different direction, and Lucy would not interfere or take her time away from it any longer. Lucy had then occasionally taken to watching over Wendy from a distance as well, but that soon became unnecessary as she had seen her confidence sky rocket after the grand magic games. Besides Carla would never leave her side and she kept her on the straight and narrow, so Lucy was unneeded.

Levy was easily her closest friend and confidant besides Gray, but with her newly developed relationship to Gajeel, it was safe to say her time was consumed with other things. Everyone around her were morphing and changing, so in turn she smiled and encouraged them all from a distance to try and keep them bright and cheerful. She was finally successful after a few more months and all of Fairy Tail was happy with a small reprieve from the drama. Or at least that's what they thought was going to be the case until another few months later.

It was well over a year later that Natsu had begun coming back hanging around her. To start harassing her on occasion like old times Lucy would smile gently and disappear for weeks to avoid him from any further possible attempts at bonding with her more than necessary or remembering whatever repressed memories he had. One concerned talk from Lisanna was more than she could handle, and she wasn't about to deal with anymore drama. She had thought she sacrificed enough for the one's she cared about most within the guild, but obviously that wasn't the case.

(Mira's past memory)

When Mira saw Lucy slapped hard across the face Lucy simply smiled the familiar bitter smile the guild had come to know and looked back over at her and nodded before standing and leaving without a word. Silence was deafening in the guild as she walked towards her sister angrily and spoke enraged but quietly to her, "I don't know what was said, and I don't care however Lisanna you are my little sister and the little sister that I know is stronger than this and has better tact. If you think taking out your frustrations on her is the right thing to do you are mistaken. Whatever this is about you are to leave her out of it and alone. Do I make myself completely clear?" Finally standing in front of Lisanna watching her sister slightly quiver in fear at being faced with her demon she became aggravated upon not receiving a response. Speaking again more forcefully, "Do I make myself clear Lisanna?"

It was loud and authoritative and Mira knew that she needed to reign in her anger, but this was too much. Lucy couldn't even breathe in the guild any longer because of these situations and with how they all were acting towards her it wasn't right. It wasn't Fairy Tail. Finally hearing, "Yes Mira. I understand." Mira nodded her head not even acknowledging her tears as they fell from her chin and in turn walked away from her not looking back only to walk past the bar and continue to the master's office. Fairy Tail remained dark after that day with the prolonged absences of Lucy, and still had yet to bounce back to its former glory of the days when Lucy was happily embedded in their hearts and minds at the guild guiding them with her bright smile, warm heart and most of all the kindness that she spread between them all.


End file.
